of lizards and a vanity parade

okay, so today the target is to eke out the fastest blogpost i have ever written. i started at 7.48am.

theres a saying in africa (nigeria at least) that seeks to explain how the lizard came about the constant nodding of its head in self-affirmation. its often said that long ago the lizard climbed a very tall palm  tree as they as wont to do, either chasing a meal or for other reasons that lizards climb trees for. so anyways, as it climbed higher and higher, it knew that the risk of falling grew even greater with each step but you know, its a lizard and so it could not resist the temptation to keep climbing. and as it was bound to happen, upon nearing the top of this incredibly tall tree, it missed a step and came crashing down. as palm trees only have a straight long tree trunk with no lower branches to break a fall, the dear lizard fell and fell and fell until it gave up the hope of surviving when it finally hits the ground.

of course as it fell, a crowd had gathered to witness the splattering of blood and gore that would be the lizard upon impact (whats a nigerian story without amebos). from squirrels to grasshoppers, everyone waited with bated breath to watch the end of this clearly over-ambitious lizard. and as time always ensured, the end came swiftly and the lizard hit the ground with the loudest thump the forest has ever heard. as the audience turned away in shock and horror, ready to mourn the end of this hapless fellow, the lizard jumped up, shook its head and waited. and waited. and waited. and yet nothing. having given what he considered the greatest show ever, by surviving the odds, the lizard could not but expect that he would receive nothing short of a standing ovation....and so legend has it, that when this applause was not forthcoming, the lizard decided to congratulate itself for such an incredible feat. hence the ceaseless head-nodding in self affirmation.

i know you've probably heard a different version of this story, but thats hardly the point. take a back seat miss.know-it-all. today i am writing to congratulate myself for 5 complete years of blog writing. no, its not exactly the anniversary of my blog writing but i kinda realized that slowly but surely, i have earned the badge of a blog-writer. but did this vanity parade come from the blues? no.

yesterday i was in the middle of a crisis at work. some crazy deadline i knew i was not going to meet but decided i'd be damned before i stopped trying to beat it. and then my boss was calling me per minute on something entirely unrelated but which she wanted me to work on immediately. the phone kept ringing off the hook and my sister sent me the cryptic "call me, something serious has happened and its not a chatting matter" on Blackberry. drama drama. trust me, it wasn't half as bad as it sounds. in the middle of all this, one of my colleagues taps on my door and steps in very politely. from his body posture of extreme humility i'm thinking: 'okay he's either in trouble and has come to report himself or he is in trouble and needs my help' and i put on my senior lawyer face in preparation to sting him. next thing i hear is "please i need your help...(yeah, i figured)...i know you're a blogger and i am about to start a blog something something etc etc etc". o wow! really?! how could he poosibly know i'm a blogger?! ::i'd have fluttered fake lashes if i was toinlicious::. i swear all i heard was "i know youre lady gaga of the blogosphere and i want an autograph". vain i know. sue me.

so yeah, as noone has ever admitted that i have become quite the reference point for blogging among my little group of friends, i the lizard (i ban anyone from calling me that in future) hereby congratulate myself for this feat and wouldst have ye all know that i am available to sign autographs for my screaming fans...and that includes you chinene.

see y'all around peeps. congratulatory ipads are welcome.

8.20am