i really do not have much to say today. and untrue to type, there's nothing to moan about...its not because nigeria has suddenly got it all right, but because i stumbled on the interview by a man i admire - pascal dozie.
because of the pedestal i place him, i am proud to have any inkling of similarity with his mindset, positions, beliefs or philosophy but i won't fake it.
so you can imagine my joy when he was quoted as saying (in reference to his wife of 40 years): "we became such good friends, we took marriage as a natural. what was important to me was finding somebody i could have physical and spiritual attraction to, somebody i could stay with without the need for a third party...love comes after marriage. if love came before marriage, there will be no divorce. love is not an emotional thing, it is a will thing". - Guardian May 14 2009, pg 13.
it may have occured to you that i can write an entire thesis in human psychology from these simple words. they are powerful and are the cornerstone of my convictions regarding love and marriage. the ceremony of marriage will fade, the passion of sex will wither, the companionship is the thread that will hold you both together when you finally have no children, dog, driver or family members to fill in those awkward spaces in your conversations.
i ask myself how many people i know today who are married can actually say this truthfully. how many men can stay at home alone with their wife for days without feeling the need for some distraction. how many women can manage their spouse without the need to talk about the children or the housemaid or what the driver said to the gateman. if you and your spouse need to talk about something or someone other than the two of you, then you are clearly one of the million nigerians who have married to fulfill the religious/social requirement for people over 25.
the good news however, is that as my eventual specialty will be in family law practice (particularly divorce settlements), i expect at some point in the next twenty years, to be handling your alimony and child custody matters when you all finally decide that you could be living a fulfilled life without the pretence of a marriage that you have got going. (i know your next response is to "reject it" in the typical nigerian way but time will tell...).
for the 1% of you who actually look forward to seeing your spouse so that you can talk to her about her...and about what you plan for her, God bless you for finding love after your marriage.
Till tomorrow
because of the pedestal i place him, i am proud to have any inkling of similarity with his mindset, positions, beliefs or philosophy but i won't fake it.
so you can imagine my joy when he was quoted as saying (in reference to his wife of 40 years): "we became such good friends, we took marriage as a natural. what was important to me was finding somebody i could have physical and spiritual attraction to, somebody i could stay with without the need for a third party...love comes after marriage. if love came before marriage, there will be no divorce. love is not an emotional thing, it is a will thing". - Guardian May 14 2009, pg 13.
it may have occured to you that i can write an entire thesis in human psychology from these simple words. they are powerful and are the cornerstone of my convictions regarding love and marriage. the ceremony of marriage will fade, the passion of sex will wither, the companionship is the thread that will hold you both together when you finally have no children, dog, driver or family members to fill in those awkward spaces in your conversations.
i ask myself how many people i know today who are married can actually say this truthfully. how many men can stay at home alone with their wife for days without feeling the need for some distraction. how many women can manage their spouse without the need to talk about the children or the housemaid or what the driver said to the gateman. if you and your spouse need to talk about something or someone other than the two of you, then you are clearly one of the million nigerians who have married to fulfill the religious/social requirement for people over 25.
the good news however, is that as my eventual specialty will be in family law practice (particularly divorce settlements), i expect at some point in the next twenty years, to be handling your alimony and child custody matters when you all finally decide that you could be living a fulfilled life without the pretence of a marriage that you have got going. (i know your next response is to "reject it" in the typical nigerian way but time will tell...).
for the 1% of you who actually look forward to seeing your spouse so that you can talk to her about her...and about what you plan for her, God bless you for finding love after your marriage.
Till tomorrow
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