its my birthday on saturday, and its impossible for my dad to forget it now, cos everyone goes "oh, 9/11", "osama" etc...well thanks mr.bin-laden. like they say, any publicity is good publicity (just ask paris hilton if you doubt me). so i'll be 31 this year. nothing has changed so don't even ask. truth is, if i wasn't african, i'd be having a blast and be super excited. but as a nigerian, the only benchmark of success is being married, and so far, so not happening yet. but hey, like they say, never say never!
i always baffle at people hiding their ages. growing up, even kids as young as 18 would rather be hanged on a stake upside down than tell you how old they are. i thought that maybe when i grow up, i'll appreciate why i shouldn't be so open about how old i am, but till now, no luck. i'm the first to tell people exactly how old i am, because like i always say, you'll find out when i die anyway so what da heck. i've heard people give reasons varying from "people stop respecting you as soon as they know they are older than you" to "what if you have to lie about your age to stop them from retiring you some time in future"? to be honest, i don't ever see those things happening. i mean, all the company drivers are obviously older than me, but my respect feels intact. you don't need binoculars to tell a 50 year old man when you see on, and i don't look 40 yet (i hope) so, that respect argument is bullshit. plus, i realize that you are only given as respect commesurate with the maturity and intelligence you exude. and about lying to reduce your age? please. i have my birth certificate laminated and spread around all my previous employers. may i never have to lose my integrity to the point of shamelessly lying to keep in employment. besides, if at 60 you've got nothing to fall back on and have to resort to lying, then you are a failure. pure and simple.
so to mark my birthday, i have decided to list 31 things i've learnt over the years:
1. you're not as famous as you think. if you're involved in a scandal, its only a global nightmare in your mind. you're not exactly a celebrity and your friends (20 in all, really) will talk about it and move on in exactly 7 days. don't spend your life worrying about it.
2. not all guys cheat. my dad is a guy, and has always been the religious kind and has never once cheated on my mum. well, at least until he finally dies at ripe old age and we are introduced to two chinese kids that look just like me, then number 2 doesn't hold true anymore.
3. women are stronger than men. on the average, a woman balances her husbands ego with what is right for each individual child, stays awake through sick nights, learns to drive, cook, speak baby talk, attend PTA meetings, create a scene when necessary, be polite with the inlaws yet firm, gossip without getting invloved. all of which a man cannot do successfully.
4. not everyone who ends every sentence "God bless you" is a child of God.
5. sex is not evil. neither is alcohol, gambling, or partying into the night everyday and dropping out of school. however, they all have evil consequences when overdone.
6. noone cares about you more than yourself. even your spouse has more pressing problems than your need for constant attention.
7. nobody will give you money for free. human beings are inherently selfish and only do things, even noble gracious things, with a selfish motive (present or future). i.e. the need to go to heaven, the need to rack up the favours because you have prospects (also called the "just in case i need him in future" theory)
8. your mother is not the witch responsible for your sufferings, no matter what any prophet says. if she wanted you dead, she had over 13 years (when you were a helpless being from fetus to age 12) to do so.
9. a marriage is not sustained by love. it is sustained by commitment. if you constantly put the other person above yourself, you'll have a successful marriage. if the other person learns to the same for you, you'll have a happy one.
10. you will go to heaven even if you don't give tithe and offering in church.
11. no matter how much you fight your siblings, you actually love them more than you care to admit. just wait till one of them falls seriously ill and you'll find that nothing else matters quite as much anymore.
12. your dad is only human. it was just as hard for him to be discipline you, as it will be for you to watch your child cry because you need him to learn the boundaries of life and society.
13. it makes no difference what gender your child is. your future happiness is not guaranteed by a male child. in fact, chances are you'll be very unhappy at old age if you only have male children and they end up with wives who couldn't care less if you were a purple fly.
14. getting married, learning to drive or swim don't make you complete. they make you a better person, and more prepared for life's challenges, but you'll be just fine if you do none of them.
15. i'm really running out of ideas right now.
16. no matter what you think you know, someone knows more. the world does not revolve around you and your office will survive just fine without you. stop acting indispensable and go on your annual leave.
17. your real friends are not those who call you daily to gossip and make you laugh. they are those who...er...wait a sec, there's nothing like a real friend. there's only family, and God and you're all alone in this world.
18. being mean does not give you more respect. you can shout your way through life, and intimidate your subordinates, you will still not get their respect. only fear, which is transient.
19. do not force your beliefs down your children's throats and refuse them the right to question you. they will throw your principles out the window as soon as they have enough muscles to resist you.
20. nothing cannot be questioned. especially religion. if you don't agree, ask why. more often than not, there's an explanation that will change your mind. if there is none, refuse to comply.
21. speak your mind. diplomacy and common sense is required, but learn to say exactly what you feel. it wont always go down well, but people will get to respect it with time.
22. be true to yourself. if you're a guy that loves women's fashion, be yourself. they'll jeer at you and make fun of you, until you're on the cover of the Times as the new "Dolce and Gabbana". then you're suddenly the next best thing after toast bread, and everyone will claim they knew you from birth.
23. pray. there's no scientific explanation for this one, but i find it works for me, physically.
24. hope is not a strategy. just saying that "God will do it" doesn't ever bring the required change. try to make it happen, then pray for God to make it exceed your expectation.
25. your boss doesn't hate you. i find that bosses are harder on their subordinates with the most potential. they only scream at you and expect you to meet exacting standards because you're worth their time. for others, they'll just accept the crap, and do it all over again by themselves.
26. be extra nice to people who don't expect it.security men, gardners, receptionists. they already feel like noone appreciates them, don't rub it in to make yourself feel good.
27. not everyone can like you. even if noone ever really hates you, some people just can't stand you. or something about you. or nothing about you. it just is.
28. determine early whats important to you and waste no time getting it. if its a blossoming career and achievements, go for it. step on toes, shove your way up, downgrade others and seek undue attention, just get to the top. if its a family life, then don't waste time with that guy who's been begging you to marry him for ages, just do it. either way, when you get to where you want to be, you'll end up realizing its just a small part of the whole picture of your long life and true happiness requires much more.
29. always remember those who are not as fortunate. don't obsess over them, just keep them in your thoughts to give you perspective on the true quality of your life. then do the best for them whenever you can.
30. always give thanks to God. no matter what.
31. i'm not 31 yet as i write this post, so i'll wait till saturday to write this one. :)
see y'all around peeps! and please disagree with anything i say...
i always baffle at people hiding their ages. growing up, even kids as young as 18 would rather be hanged on a stake upside down than tell you how old they are. i thought that maybe when i grow up, i'll appreciate why i shouldn't be so open about how old i am, but till now, no luck. i'm the first to tell people exactly how old i am, because like i always say, you'll find out when i die anyway so what da heck. i've heard people give reasons varying from "people stop respecting you as soon as they know they are older than you" to "what if you have to lie about your age to stop them from retiring you some time in future"? to be honest, i don't ever see those things happening. i mean, all the company drivers are obviously older than me, but my respect feels intact. you don't need binoculars to tell a 50 year old man when you see on, and i don't look 40 yet (i hope) so, that respect argument is bullshit. plus, i realize that you are only given as respect commesurate with the maturity and intelligence you exude. and about lying to reduce your age? please. i have my birth certificate laminated and spread around all my previous employers. may i never have to lose my integrity to the point of shamelessly lying to keep in employment. besides, if at 60 you've got nothing to fall back on and have to resort to lying, then you are a failure. pure and simple.
so to mark my birthday, i have decided to list 31 things i've learnt over the years:
1. you're not as famous as you think. if you're involved in a scandal, its only a global nightmare in your mind. you're not exactly a celebrity and your friends (20 in all, really) will talk about it and move on in exactly 7 days. don't spend your life worrying about it.
2. not all guys cheat. my dad is a guy, and has always been the religious kind and has never once cheated on my mum. well, at least until he finally dies at ripe old age and we are introduced to two chinese kids that look just like me, then number 2 doesn't hold true anymore.
3. women are stronger than men. on the average, a woman balances her husbands ego with what is right for each individual child, stays awake through sick nights, learns to drive, cook, speak baby talk, attend PTA meetings, create a scene when necessary, be polite with the inlaws yet firm, gossip without getting invloved. all of which a man cannot do successfully.
4. not everyone who ends every sentence "God bless you" is a child of God.
5. sex is not evil. neither is alcohol, gambling, or partying into the night everyday and dropping out of school. however, they all have evil consequences when overdone.
6. noone cares about you more than yourself. even your spouse has more pressing problems than your need for constant attention.
7. nobody will give you money for free. human beings are inherently selfish and only do things, even noble gracious things, with a selfish motive (present or future). i.e. the need to go to heaven, the need to rack up the favours because you have prospects (also called the "just in case i need him in future" theory)
8. your mother is not the witch responsible for your sufferings, no matter what any prophet says. if she wanted you dead, she had over 13 years (when you were a helpless being from fetus to age 12) to do so.
9. a marriage is not sustained by love. it is sustained by commitment. if you constantly put the other person above yourself, you'll have a successful marriage. if the other person learns to the same for you, you'll have a happy one.
10. you will go to heaven even if you don't give tithe and offering in church.
11. no matter how much you fight your siblings, you actually love them more than you care to admit. just wait till one of them falls seriously ill and you'll find that nothing else matters quite as much anymore.
12. your dad is only human. it was just as hard for him to be discipline you, as it will be for you to watch your child cry because you need him to learn the boundaries of life and society.
13. it makes no difference what gender your child is. your future happiness is not guaranteed by a male child. in fact, chances are you'll be very unhappy at old age if you only have male children and they end up with wives who couldn't care less if you were a purple fly.
14. getting married, learning to drive or swim don't make you complete. they make you a better person, and more prepared for life's challenges, but you'll be just fine if you do none of them.
15. i'm really running out of ideas right now.
16. no matter what you think you know, someone knows more. the world does not revolve around you and your office will survive just fine without you. stop acting indispensable and go on your annual leave.
17. your real friends are not those who call you daily to gossip and make you laugh. they are those who...er...wait a sec, there's nothing like a real friend. there's only family, and God and you're all alone in this world.
18. being mean does not give you more respect. you can shout your way through life, and intimidate your subordinates, you will still not get their respect. only fear, which is transient.
19. do not force your beliefs down your children's throats and refuse them the right to question you. they will throw your principles out the window as soon as they have enough muscles to resist you.
20. nothing cannot be questioned. especially religion. if you don't agree, ask why. more often than not, there's an explanation that will change your mind. if there is none, refuse to comply.
21. speak your mind. diplomacy and common sense is required, but learn to say exactly what you feel. it wont always go down well, but people will get to respect it with time.
22. be true to yourself. if you're a guy that loves women's fashion, be yourself. they'll jeer at you and make fun of you, until you're on the cover of the Times as the new "Dolce and Gabbana". then you're suddenly the next best thing after toast bread, and everyone will claim they knew you from birth.
23. pray. there's no scientific explanation for this one, but i find it works for me, physically.
24. hope is not a strategy. just saying that "God will do it" doesn't ever bring the required change. try to make it happen, then pray for God to make it exceed your expectation.
25. your boss doesn't hate you. i find that bosses are harder on their subordinates with the most potential. they only scream at you and expect you to meet exacting standards because you're worth their time. for others, they'll just accept the crap, and do it all over again by themselves.
26. be extra nice to people who don't expect it.security men, gardners, receptionists. they already feel like noone appreciates them, don't rub it in to make yourself feel good.
27. not everyone can like you. even if noone ever really hates you, some people just can't stand you. or something about you. or nothing about you. it just is.
28. determine early whats important to you and waste no time getting it. if its a blossoming career and achievements, go for it. step on toes, shove your way up, downgrade others and seek undue attention, just get to the top. if its a family life, then don't waste time with that guy who's been begging you to marry him for ages, just do it. either way, when you get to where you want to be, you'll end up realizing its just a small part of the whole picture of your long life and true happiness requires much more.
29. always remember those who are not as fortunate. don't obsess over them, just keep them in your thoughts to give you perspective on the true quality of your life. then do the best for them whenever you can.
30. always give thanks to God. no matter what.
31. i'm not 31 yet as i write this post, so i'll wait till saturday to write this one. :)
see y'all around peeps! and please disagree with anything i say...
Comments
Erm diagreed with no 15, I thought you were running out of ideas somewhere around no 3. ..lol.
Anyways in my experience being much older and all, 17 is not too correct. They are real freinds and they make the world go around. I pray I will always be a real freind to all my peeps.
Make sure you dey my wedding o!! first step to you being my real freind!
Koko Udom
I particularly like item 19. I think parents should be aware that indoctrination will only get your kids so far. Teaching them the quest for learning and giving them room to discover themselves is what we should do more of.
i have to disagree with d real friends part, i do have people i'd love to think of as my real friends so u may b wrong there and erm... most people are helpless for way longer than 13yrs so i think d age limit for number8 is relative.
Let me see #9-17 (except 15 lol) were like Word!! Wait #18 - 27 too.
But...
#5 hmmmmmm
#28 was the red herring heh? 'step on toes, shove your way up, downgrade others and seek undue attention, just get to the top'.
I really hope you are following your advice there:p
I dont agree with no 10 but hey...
Happy belated birthday...God bless u