you know, sometimes it beats me silly to think about all the things that i expect will give me happiness and realize very sadly that none of them actually brings the kind of fulfilment that will keep you awake at night just feeling smug at what an achiever you are.
its very true when they say "the grass is greener on the other side"...and cliched as this may sound, i am now living through it. to think that there was a time when i thought that getting a job that paid more than my monthly transport fare would be all i needed to be satisfied. then i got that...along with a boss from hell, and then i thought, stuff the money, just give me a boss that will allow me to use my brain and will appreciate my work. and did i get a boss that allowed me to use my brain? well, lets just say he also fried it and served it with french fries by ensuring i worked the longest hours of my entire career. and so i decided i needed/and asked God for, both money and a great boss and then i got this job.
naturally, when you suddenly sit still and realize that you're in a good place, the first thing you do is draw up a list of all the things you always said you would do when you can afford it. TM Lewin shirts (it was a huge dream for a lawyer who's salary could maybe have bought the collar alone at the time), the hottest mobile phone (to drop on the table at meetings and dazzle the other person), laptop, designer glasses, cufflinks, watches, a huge flat, airconditioning, a 32 inch TV screen that makes you feel the pain when someone on TV slaps another, a sound system that will make your neighbours thank God for little mercies when you eventually turn it off...you get the picture.
but just when i think i have it all, something else suddenly becomes do or die. when i started work, i wanted to be confirmed without drama, when i got confirmed, i wanted a role change, when i got a role change i wanted a promotion. sometimes i thank God that I am not God, cos I would have struck me down with lightening long since.
so now i have learned contentment. i have begun to value good health, and realized that although peace is not the absence of war, it is a very nice second best place to be. and thence comes the next challenge, boredom. so you have everything you really ever wanted. so you have now come up to date with the latest technology, and your dreams have largely come true. then what? i would like to wish that marriage was the solution, but we all know its not. i presently have about four friends who are having their more than fair share of marital troubles. two have had their babies dumped with them (one lost his job in trying to take care of the baby all by himself and has only just got a stand-in wife/baby mama as a temporary measure - i hope she doesn't read this) while the missus has gone off to continue her life, one is fighting to even see his child and one claims he was drugged/ doesnt want his wife again (also known as the "she's fetish and her mum is a witch" syndrome). clearly, marriage does not bring fulfilment...clearly.
so i've decided to get excited about something in life again. i have vowed to get a new hobby, a new goal, something i can strive to achieve...in other words, i've decided to have a baby. yes, out of wedlock no strings attached baby. with all the drama that it brings, at least it is guaranteed to keep me occupied for another year or two before it becomes its mothers responsibility. and don't give me that look like its never occured to you before...you know, a lovely distraction from the silent screams of loneliness and boredom, and one you cannot switch off from the wall socket when you feel like it. and yet something that will grow up and out and leave you with your life back sooner than later. yes, a baby does just that.
but i guess i have to find the baby mama first eh? and after writing this, i'm guessing my chances will be zero to none. but you know what they say, never say never! in the meantime though, i will just focus on working even harder and praying that things get even better...and who knows, if i make more money i just may decide to keep my baby mama after the baby comes.
welcome to 2011 peeps, good to see y'all again.
its very true when they say "the grass is greener on the other side"...and cliched as this may sound, i am now living through it. to think that there was a time when i thought that getting a job that paid more than my monthly transport fare would be all i needed to be satisfied. then i got that...along with a boss from hell, and then i thought, stuff the money, just give me a boss that will allow me to use my brain and will appreciate my work. and did i get a boss that allowed me to use my brain? well, lets just say he also fried it and served it with french fries by ensuring i worked the longest hours of my entire career. and so i decided i needed/and asked God for, both money and a great boss and then i got this job.
naturally, when you suddenly sit still and realize that you're in a good place, the first thing you do is draw up a list of all the things you always said you would do when you can afford it. TM Lewin shirts (it was a huge dream for a lawyer who's salary could maybe have bought the collar alone at the time), the hottest mobile phone (to drop on the table at meetings and dazzle the other person), laptop, designer glasses, cufflinks, watches, a huge flat, airconditioning, a 32 inch TV screen that makes you feel the pain when someone on TV slaps another, a sound system that will make your neighbours thank God for little mercies when you eventually turn it off...you get the picture.
but just when i think i have it all, something else suddenly becomes do or die. when i started work, i wanted to be confirmed without drama, when i got confirmed, i wanted a role change, when i got a role change i wanted a promotion. sometimes i thank God that I am not God, cos I would have struck me down with lightening long since.
so now i have learned contentment. i have begun to value good health, and realized that although peace is not the absence of war, it is a very nice second best place to be. and thence comes the next challenge, boredom. so you have everything you really ever wanted. so you have now come up to date with the latest technology, and your dreams have largely come true. then what? i would like to wish that marriage was the solution, but we all know its not. i presently have about four friends who are having their more than fair share of marital troubles. two have had their babies dumped with them (one lost his job in trying to take care of the baby all by himself and has only just got a stand-in wife/baby mama as a temporary measure - i hope she doesn't read this) while the missus has gone off to continue her life, one is fighting to even see his child and one claims he was drugged/ doesnt want his wife again (also known as the "she's fetish and her mum is a witch" syndrome). clearly, marriage does not bring fulfilment...clearly.
so i've decided to get excited about something in life again. i have vowed to get a new hobby, a new goal, something i can strive to achieve...in other words, i've decided to have a baby. yes, out of wedlock no strings attached baby. with all the drama that it brings, at least it is guaranteed to keep me occupied for another year or two before it becomes its mothers responsibility. and don't give me that look like its never occured to you before...you know, a lovely distraction from the silent screams of loneliness and boredom, and one you cannot switch off from the wall socket when you feel like it. and yet something that will grow up and out and leave you with your life back sooner than later. yes, a baby does just that.
but i guess i have to find the baby mama first eh? and after writing this, i'm guessing my chances will be zero to none. but you know what they say, never say never! in the meantime though, i will just focus on working even harder and praying that things get even better...and who knows, if i make more money i just may decide to keep my baby mama after the baby comes.
welcome to 2011 peeps, good to see y'all again.
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