its just weird how everyone i meet or talk to for more than 30 minutes ends up assuming that i am psychologist...you know, those guys that white people go and pay to allow them vent? whatever they're called, thats what i always end up being. in the past week alone i have been inundated by tales from men and women who i assumed where having a blast in their private lives. its even weirder that the longer and most organic vents come from married people. which often leaves me wondering, "why do people actually get married?". is there some secret money given by the government, is there a financial benefit...is lonesomeness that killing?! the baseline of all the conversations i've had show one common thread...women spend their entire lives trying to wrest control of the man's life. pure and simple. all the married women seem more interested in uprooting anyone who appears closer to their husbands (even biologically related folk who were there before they appeared) and sometimes become obssessed with ensuring that they not only have his full attention, but that he doesn't have an opinion outside of what they want.
so today alone, i had the good fortune (i hope you can tell when i'm being sarcastic) of having to sit through not one but TWO married women's therapy sessions. shoot me now. the first one happened to take a ride with me all the way to work. her case is simple. she is married with a baby son and has 3 husband relatives staying with her. the latest relative addition came a few months ago, ostensibly to attend one interview and return to whatever village they're from. he's still there today. it must be that i ask the wrong questions to trigger the avalanche but i swear i didn't say more than "how are you?" and thats often enough to set the ball rolling. whats most weird is that the men appear completely oblivious to the pain that wives bear when they are surrounded by their husbands relatives incessantly. not only does she have to increase her cleaning/ cooking responsibilities, she has to endure the endless attitude that these relatives always appear to have.
case in point from married woman 1: "i come home exhausted one day to find that there had been no light in the house since power went the night before and this is 8 pm. i go to the fridge and realize that someone had scooped out some of the egusi soup and generally poked around the soup to take out meat, chucking the rest back in the fridge. by the time i opened the remaining, the stench of sour soup almost killed me. this happened a day after i had to swallow the insult of one of the young men telling me that cooking is a woman's job when i suggested that he please boil rice for THEM to eat the next day since i would be at work. naturally, i am forbidden from engaging these relatives on any issue as my husband insists i report any grievances to him so he can manage the family relations. and so i tell him, and as usual, he say he will 'handle it'...and then proceeds to do nothing. i am planning for him and bla bla bla". all i can think is: how is that a national emergency? what is the poor man supposed to do, kick them all out onto the curb? and how on earth does this concern me on a weekday on my way to work! Gaddamnit!
i swear that these discussions completely overwhelm me. i am caught listening to private details that taints the manner in which i view an otherwise perfectly married couple, and to top it all, i draw blank on what to say next. i mean, what am i supposed to say to that in response? its not even my damn business! so she pauses and looks at me to check if i was paying any attention and if i wasn't going to say anything. now here's the weirdest thing i've discovered with women: if they tell you something private, you're damned if you have a contrary opinion (i.e. you better support whatever view they've taken), you're doubly damned if you have no opinion after a lengthy vent and you better bury yourself if you ever get lost in thought while they are speaking (keep nodding even if). so when she was done i sighed long and hard and said "the Lord is your strength". she just went into hero mode and couldn't get enough of how strong she has been and how patience is her middle name and how forbearance is her virtue. i survived that one.
er...unfortunately my boss is here so i can't tell you married woman 2's vent (it has to do with how she took over her husbands life from HIS evil mother)...i swear i have to stop asking women "how are you?". i want to live long and be married without prejudice. :)
see y'all around peeps. shout out to CJ and his new blog http://www.myweirdpen.blogspot.com/.
so today alone, i had the good fortune (i hope you can tell when i'm being sarcastic) of having to sit through not one but TWO married women's therapy sessions. shoot me now. the first one happened to take a ride with me all the way to work. her case is simple. she is married with a baby son and has 3 husband relatives staying with her. the latest relative addition came a few months ago, ostensibly to attend one interview and return to whatever village they're from. he's still there today. it must be that i ask the wrong questions to trigger the avalanche but i swear i didn't say more than "how are you?" and thats often enough to set the ball rolling. whats most weird is that the men appear completely oblivious to the pain that wives bear when they are surrounded by their husbands relatives incessantly. not only does she have to increase her cleaning/ cooking responsibilities, she has to endure the endless attitude that these relatives always appear to have.
case in point from married woman 1: "i come home exhausted one day to find that there had been no light in the house since power went the night before and this is 8 pm. i go to the fridge and realize that someone had scooped out some of the egusi soup and generally poked around the soup to take out meat, chucking the rest back in the fridge. by the time i opened the remaining, the stench of sour soup almost killed me. this happened a day after i had to swallow the insult of one of the young men telling me that cooking is a woman's job when i suggested that he please boil rice for THEM to eat the next day since i would be at work. naturally, i am forbidden from engaging these relatives on any issue as my husband insists i report any grievances to him so he can manage the family relations. and so i tell him, and as usual, he say he will 'handle it'...and then proceeds to do nothing. i am planning for him and bla bla bla". all i can think is: how is that a national emergency? what is the poor man supposed to do, kick them all out onto the curb? and how on earth does this concern me on a weekday on my way to work! Gaddamnit!
i swear that these discussions completely overwhelm me. i am caught listening to private details that taints the manner in which i view an otherwise perfectly married couple, and to top it all, i draw blank on what to say next. i mean, what am i supposed to say to that in response? its not even my damn business! so she pauses and looks at me to check if i was paying any attention and if i wasn't going to say anything. now here's the weirdest thing i've discovered with women: if they tell you something private, you're damned if you have a contrary opinion (i.e. you better support whatever view they've taken), you're doubly damned if you have no opinion after a lengthy vent and you better bury yourself if you ever get lost in thought while they are speaking (keep nodding even if). so when she was done i sighed long and hard and said "the Lord is your strength". she just went into hero mode and couldn't get enough of how strong she has been and how patience is her middle name and how forbearance is her virtue. i survived that one.
er...unfortunately my boss is here so i can't tell you married woman 2's vent (it has to do with how she took over her husbands life from HIS evil mother)...i swear i have to stop asking women "how are you?". i want to live long and be married without prejudice. :)
see y'all around peeps. shout out to CJ and his new blog http://www.myweirdpen.blogspot.com/.
Comments
Its sad, but the honest truth is that a lot of people are unhappy in their marriage, its scary.
for case no 1 i guess she needs to talk more to her husband. he needs to understand her disgruntlement
I get dis too somtimes & I usually go 4 "it is well" & "u just av 2b patient" answers. This marriage biz is scary sef. Speaking of, wen do I get 2c a pic of d tat? (U honestly dnt think I'll stop asking do ya?)
And of course you can't give a different opinion. They want affirmative support from you not Oroque's view. lol