you know, i have no idea why after many generations it has not become clear to women that the phrase "ever after" means 'ever after with you making an effort to keep yourself as close as practicable to the person i married'. i was at my friend's wedding ceremony last week saturday, he is not only a great friend but also an avid reader of my blog. its exciting to see how fit he was looking for his big day and the resplendence of his bride, who i also consider a very good friend. its was glorious. however, (as with most writers sitting in church during a wedding sermon), the continued emphasis on the words 'ever after' and 'forever' and the obligatory "never put assunder" and the 'church does not approve of divorce' anthem very nearly got my goat.
not only do i plan to specialize in family law, i plan to practice it. of course my target market will be the countless nigerian women in loveless marriages sticking it through because its better than being a 'woman who left her husbands house', and the many men who have found something smarter, hotter and that makes him feel alive. the truth is, ignoble as that sounds, it is as valid a need in any marriage as the need for the man to provide the basics. think about it this way, would you have married your better half if they were slouching (not from age), had their hair unkempt, had hair sticking from their nostrils, couldn't carry a conversation, weren't great with kids, couldn't be shown off to your friends etc? deny it as you may, you have a fundamental reason why you chose that person, and their looks have something to do with it.
exhibit a:
david is in trouble presently. you see, the woman he is shaking wrote his biography some years ago. naturally, to write someone's biography you need to spend a lot of time with the subject of the book and get to know him intimately. well, thats exactly what she did, being the professional bookwriter that she is, bless her. i mean look at her, the firm toned arms, the perfect crease across her cheeks, the slicked back hair matching his own without one stray strand. in a 'mills & boon' novel that should be his perfect soulmate.
enter mrs. david
look, i've got a heart so far be it from me to say one bad thing about the lovely missus... but i do not understand for the life of me why everyone is getting their pants in a bunch that my broda david fell like a pack of cards in a bad gamblers hand. i know, i know, all the women in my life - and their grandmothers - are going to hit me over the head talking about how hard the life of a mother is and how bearing children takes a toll and how kepping a family together and doing laundry and going shopping for groceries and then supporting your man is the heaviest thing in the world.
trust me, i get it. but do you also get the fact that giving yourself excuses for the way you look and being unable to compete in this modern age of technology is inevitably leaving your spouse out there to be grabbed by someone who can? its no gainsaying that married men are more interested in remaining attractive (read as: young-looking) than married women. plus men of any age are by nature also more inclined to embrace advances in technology...and thence lies the problem. with every unilag girl having a blackberry, and you unable to use your small nokia phone to do more than text and call, with every unilag girl now able to afford peruvian and colombian hair and you combing yours in an ugly bun and moving on day after dreary day, with you unable to sit with him alone by sending the kids off momentarily so you can connect at a deeper level without distraction, you might as well call me early to book that appointment for when i start my divorce practice. truth is, more than half the affairs today are conducted online or with the aid of technology and you, mrs 'i have a faithful husband' are ill equipped to even find out. forget the nollywood movies where your friend bumps into your husband and his lover going into a hotel somewhere obscure, then gives you a phonecall to come there and create a scene ::yawn::. this is 2012.
there are davids all around, many of them i know personally (i dare them to drop a comment asking me for names) and the rest are just waiting for the opportune day. all i can say is, by all means ma'am, do nothing to keep your spouse attracted. congratulate yourself for being a good mother and wait for your reward in heaven. i look forward to receiving you in my office anytime from 2020, i can guarantee you i'll be the best divorce attorney you'll ever have (cos we both know you'll be back when husband number 2 goes the same route)...and by the way fellas, before you grin too hard, please note that i represent guys too when your pot belly and bad breathe drives madam into some unilag boy's arms.
nuff said...and yeah, the morale of the story is, married people cheat, its partly their spouses fault, we all need to get over it. see y'all around peeps.
not only do i plan to specialize in family law, i plan to practice it. of course my target market will be the countless nigerian women in loveless marriages sticking it through because its better than being a 'woman who left her husbands house', and the many men who have found something smarter, hotter and that makes him feel alive. the truth is, ignoble as that sounds, it is as valid a need in any marriage as the need for the man to provide the basics. think about it this way, would you have married your better half if they were slouching (not from age), had their hair unkempt, had hair sticking from their nostrils, couldn't carry a conversation, weren't great with kids, couldn't be shown off to your friends etc? deny it as you may, you have a fundamental reason why you chose that person, and their looks have something to do with it.
exhibit a:
thats david, and thats all you need to know about him. he is a four star general, one of the most famous faces in the world (even i know him as the expert on american warfare), he is such a distinguished soldier that even after he retired, he was called back by government and made to head the CIA, one of the world's most famous intelligence agencies. and yes, he is 60 years old. even under that stiff uniform, you can tell that the man has not let himself go a day in his life. even i look older than him.david is in trouble presently. you see, the woman he is shaking wrote his biography some years ago. naturally, to write someone's biography you need to spend a lot of time with the subject of the book and get to know him intimately. well, thats exactly what she did, being the professional bookwriter that she is, bless her. i mean look at her, the firm toned arms, the perfect crease across her cheeks, the slicked back hair matching his own without one stray strand. in a 'mills & boon' novel that should be his perfect soulmate.
enter mrs. david
look, i've got a heart so far be it from me to say one bad thing about the lovely missus... but i do not understand for the life of me why everyone is getting their pants in a bunch that my broda david fell like a pack of cards in a bad gamblers hand. i know, i know, all the women in my life - and their grandmothers - are going to hit me over the head talking about how hard the life of a mother is and how bearing children takes a toll and how kepping a family together and doing laundry and going shopping for groceries and then supporting your man is the heaviest thing in the world.
trust me, i get it. but do you also get the fact that giving yourself excuses for the way you look and being unable to compete in this modern age of technology is inevitably leaving your spouse out there to be grabbed by someone who can? its no gainsaying that married men are more interested in remaining attractive (read as: young-looking) than married women. plus men of any age are by nature also more inclined to embrace advances in technology...and thence lies the problem. with every unilag girl having a blackberry, and you unable to use your small nokia phone to do more than text and call, with every unilag girl now able to afford peruvian and colombian hair and you combing yours in an ugly bun and moving on day after dreary day, with you unable to sit with him alone by sending the kids off momentarily so you can connect at a deeper level without distraction, you might as well call me early to book that appointment for when i start my divorce practice. truth is, more than half the affairs today are conducted online or with the aid of technology and you, mrs 'i have a faithful husband' are ill equipped to even find out. forget the nollywood movies where your friend bumps into your husband and his lover going into a hotel somewhere obscure, then gives you a phonecall to come there and create a scene ::yawn::. this is 2012.
there are davids all around, many of them i know personally (i dare them to drop a comment asking me for names) and the rest are just waiting for the opportune day. all i can say is, by all means ma'am, do nothing to keep your spouse attracted. congratulate yourself for being a good mother and wait for your reward in heaven. i look forward to receiving you in my office anytime from 2020, i can guarantee you i'll be the best divorce attorney you'll ever have (cos we both know you'll be back when husband number 2 goes the same route)...and by the way fellas, before you grin too hard, please note that i represent guys too when your pot belly and bad breathe drives madam into some unilag boy's arms.
nuff said...and yeah, the morale of the story is, married people cheat, its partly their spouses fault, we all need to get over it. see y'all around peeps.
Comments
So we have Miss Biographer who is cute now....fast forward 38 years with countless moves and playing Mrs Dad to 2 kids...not so sure if those toned arms and slick hair will remain. And if they do, there are a million and one reasons why men cheat anyway.
What is the excuse for those men with wives who remain so exquisite over the years even with 5 grown kids...for some men, there will always be a reason...
Marriage is some complex ish...
I had to seriously check that I was reading the right blog, doesn't seem like your kind of stance.
Love is a choice, and being in a marriage you have a responsibility to
your partner even at their worst as long as it isn't to the detriment of one's own survival.
Why couldn't he encourage her to be the woman she was when they married, get her a gym subscription, a maid, help out at home, buy her some new clothes.
I seriously want to believe this article is tongue in cheek. If not, I hop you realize soon that being imperfect in any way is not an excuse to step out on your significant other. Looks being a reason is the ficklest of all.
Men/women cheat because they can/want to. It is a choice. there may be extenuating factors but ultimately..it is a choice.