okay, today i'm gonna say as little as need to be said. not only because its not a topic i like to talk about, but i'm just plain tired and its the middle of the week and i should be sleeping.
as the whole world possibly knows by now, i had a slightly improved weekend in terms of activities last saturday. i went out to watch a movie, and simple as that journey sounds, it brought many many questions to mind. how was life planned out to be? where did i think i would be by this age? what did i hope to become or achieve? i remember growing up, i was constantly planning ahead. by the time i was 7 i had planned all the way to my 17th birthday, by the time i was 21 i had decided what i'd be doing by 30. needless to say, nothing exactly went as i planned, and life often took its own course. fortunately for me, most of it took turns for the better.
half of the plans i made when i was younger was borne purely out of fear. from a very young age, i have always feared that for some unknown reason, i wouldn't be fast enough, or sharp enough, or prepared enough for life in general. i gave myself no credit for anything, and growing up in a christian family, always passed all the good results or excellent outcomes to God and kept all the failures and below par performances for myself. when things go well, to God be the glory, when they go wrong, why couldn't Orok be smarter. naturally, this led me to remain guarded. everyone was out to do better than me. everyone just wanted me to fail. everyone was being nice because they didn't think i was competition in terms of intelligence. the world versus me.
i wish i knew back then, that the world couldn't be bothered if i was fly dung splattered on the wall of a mud hut.
coupled with the fact that money was never enough and there were siblings behind me, i just learnt to put in 200% into everything. i was either going to do it excellently or not at all. i would not fail any exam and i would not take a second off the path, i would rather be caught dead than party, just so i don't get distracted. everyone who wasn't reading as hard, or encouraging me to read as hard, had nothing to do with me. this mentality really worked for me...until now. the rules that take you through school often end up being the ones you need to discard to go through life.
you see, i find that being fastidious makes you a wonderful follower...being thorough in the work place, makes you an excellent back-up guy. as the one person who won't miss the undotted "i" and the uncrossed "t", it takes you far up the career ladder admittedly,... and drops you right behind someone often less capable, who is adept at putting up the necessary showmanship required to evince efficiency while doing next to zilch when eyes are turned. you, my friend, end up being the V8 engine in the car, working the most and seen the least. being intelligent, witty and smart in the real world doesn't always translate into career leadership and blossoming family life.
somehow, i hate to say it, but i have begun to fear again. this time, i fear that in pushing forward ever so hard not to fall behind my peers and not to take the last position in the common race towards fulfilment, i have left other important things to suffer. and thats what happens to people who don't mutlitask in their personal lives, they win all...on one side. and often lose all on the other. they do well workwise, and get married last. or they never hold on to a job but have four children in three years. its called the 200% syndrome. which i think is a syndrome that a lot of people i know, who have dream jobs and crappy personal lives (if they would so admit), have.
i cannot for the life of me remember where i was going with all of this, but its helped to clear my head, plus its a concept i hope to exound in future. somehow, i know that someone will read this and identify (if you'll be truthful to yourself)...and maybe in doing so, realize that its okay to put in half your best at work sometimes, let your guard down, lose an argument, make a mistake, and let your career take the backseat for a while, if it will allow someone else find some room to squeeze into your heart. you cannot win both ways, but i guess you can have a great bit of it all.
peace out peeps...
as the whole world possibly knows by now, i had a slightly improved weekend in terms of activities last saturday. i went out to watch a movie, and simple as that journey sounds, it brought many many questions to mind. how was life planned out to be? where did i think i would be by this age? what did i hope to become or achieve? i remember growing up, i was constantly planning ahead. by the time i was 7 i had planned all the way to my 17th birthday, by the time i was 21 i had decided what i'd be doing by 30. needless to say, nothing exactly went as i planned, and life often took its own course. fortunately for me, most of it took turns for the better.
half of the plans i made when i was younger was borne purely out of fear. from a very young age, i have always feared that for some unknown reason, i wouldn't be fast enough, or sharp enough, or prepared enough for life in general. i gave myself no credit for anything, and growing up in a christian family, always passed all the good results or excellent outcomes to God and kept all the failures and below par performances for myself. when things go well, to God be the glory, when they go wrong, why couldn't Orok be smarter. naturally, this led me to remain guarded. everyone was out to do better than me. everyone just wanted me to fail. everyone was being nice because they didn't think i was competition in terms of intelligence. the world versus me.
i wish i knew back then, that the world couldn't be bothered if i was fly dung splattered on the wall of a mud hut.
coupled with the fact that money was never enough and there were siblings behind me, i just learnt to put in 200% into everything. i was either going to do it excellently or not at all. i would not fail any exam and i would not take a second off the path, i would rather be caught dead than party, just so i don't get distracted. everyone who wasn't reading as hard, or encouraging me to read as hard, had nothing to do with me. this mentality really worked for me...until now. the rules that take you through school often end up being the ones you need to discard to go through life.
you see, i find that being fastidious makes you a wonderful follower...being thorough in the work place, makes you an excellent back-up guy. as the one person who won't miss the undotted "i" and the uncrossed "t", it takes you far up the career ladder admittedly,... and drops you right behind someone often less capable, who is adept at putting up the necessary showmanship required to evince efficiency while doing next to zilch when eyes are turned. you, my friend, end up being the V8 engine in the car, working the most and seen the least. being intelligent, witty and smart in the real world doesn't always translate into career leadership and blossoming family life.
somehow, i hate to say it, but i have begun to fear again. this time, i fear that in pushing forward ever so hard not to fall behind my peers and not to take the last position in the common race towards fulfilment, i have left other important things to suffer. and thats what happens to people who don't mutlitask in their personal lives, they win all...on one side. and often lose all on the other. they do well workwise, and get married last. or they never hold on to a job but have four children in three years. its called the 200% syndrome. which i think is a syndrome that a lot of people i know, who have dream jobs and crappy personal lives (if they would so admit), have.
i cannot for the life of me remember where i was going with all of this, but its helped to clear my head, plus its a concept i hope to exound in future. somehow, i know that someone will read this and identify (if you'll be truthful to yourself)...and maybe in doing so, realize that its okay to put in half your best at work sometimes, let your guard down, lose an argument, make a mistake, and let your career take the backseat for a while, if it will allow someone else find some room to squeeze into your heart. you cannot win both ways, but i guess you can have a great bit of it all.
peace out peeps...
Comments
But you have to create the space for them to fall into unless opportunities will knock and you wont recognize them. Its good you ar already seeing the pitfalls in doing too much of one.
And like Chineme above said. You cant go wrong when you are being led by the Master!
Ok. I think I have made enough noise on this site. Ciao Oroks