I have been on leave for about a week now and had decided that this time, I would not broadcast it on my blog. I was hoping that I will get a complete shut out by just plugging out of everything…and no, everything does not include facebook.
And so just this past saturday, I stumbled upon the fact that it was actually the birthday of a wonderful friend of mine - Chinene. She being one of the few people in my life who’s presence is so silent, and yet most powerful towards influencing my actions. I recalled with pride, for the first time to a worldwide audience, how she actually used to be so happy to have me drop by at their family house (unannounced and always hungry) and she and her brothers would welcome me as if they’d known me all their lives. I never for once felt out of place with them. This then brought to my mind the thought of all the people who have actually fed me at one time or the other… especially through my difficult university years (thanks Gabriel and Yinka, you guys rock! If yinka’s kitchen could talk, I’d be charged for gluttony and never be able to run for senate). Well, you see (and here’s another confession), I have struggled with two things all my life: money management and cooking. Its kinda sad to admit that I have been terrible at ensuring that my money lasts the required period and all my friends know I am a consistent broke ass. But that’s not something I am super ashamed of because I am not a perpetual debtor, which would have been an altogether different kettle of fish. However, it is the latter part of this duo that leaves me both ashamed and alarmed. You see, once upon a time, I used to be a really really good cook. I was so good at it, that I would complete a dish with all the dressing and accessories…you know, sliced boiled eggs spread in a circle over the lower portion of the rice, grated carrots and then if available, green peas… so that a huge platter of white rice would have green, orange and white decoration on top of it! I could fry, boil, grind, chop, squeeze etcetera. I am dead serious, I was actually pretty good (well, minus too much seasoning cube once in a while in stews and porridges).
And then somehow, life suddenly became a lot more serious and everything I knew how to do, including art drawing, cooking and watching television (that’s a talent peeps), went out the window. I instantly replaced them by winning spelling competitions in primary school (including French), winning “impromptu school debate” in my junior secondary, and becoming head boy in senior secondary. Yeah, mr. know-it-all became mr. goody-too-shoes, or the other way round. And that phase went with me through university. By the time I hit law school, I was a lost cause in terms of socializing or having fun and the word “loosen up” was used often, to no avail obviously. I think I’m much better now, cos I now do fun stuff like er, you know…er…write this blog (?) and er, [will write something fun here when I remember]. It completely beats me that I have any friends at all, where on earth did they find me?
So anyways, back to the issue, since I am on leave I finally have the time to reconnect with myself and decided to cook for a change. Not for any reason other than that (1) I wasn’t very hungry (2) I was very bored and (3) I remembered how I overcame the need to visit friends’ houses to eat when I was in university. Its called “cooking”, and it was an intervention organized by a certain neighbor of mine that I only remember now as “mama Stanley”. So one day, she comes into my room to drop her baby (who strangely only ever slept off when on my bed… darn I must have been boring) and sees all the tubers of yam, rice, rotten plantain, weevil-infested beans and complete packets of spaghetti, seasoning, oils and spices staring at her. And then she asks why I have two packets of each item and I say, well, I got one from last months’ home delivery supply and one from this month. So she sits down to understand exactly why I won’t cook no matter the persuasion. After a lengthy heart to heart, during which she decided it was hopeless to try to get me to cook, she asks me to come with her and learn what she called “worst case scenario”. And this is what I have decided to reincarnate this Sunday afternoon, so pay attention to the 12 easy steps:
1. Measure 4 hand fulls of rice using your bare hands
2. Put into a pot
3. Check the level of the rice in the pot and then put three times more water than the level of the rice
4. Place on a stove (with fire underneath, you dufus)
5. Throw in the seasoning cube (chicken flavor is particularly nice), the ground pepper, salt, a bit of curry, sardines with the oil and a tiny cut up fresh pepper for flavor
6. Cover the pot and walk away
7. Watch tv, or read, or go visit a friend in the next street (but don’t sleep off)
8. Return in 35 minutes to check.
9. Hang around till water dries completely (dip the end of a spoon into the boiling rice to check if there’s still liquid underneath. How else would you know that, man?! sheesh)
10. Take pot off the fire, stir content up very well, so the ingredients spread around the rice
11. If you have the patience, boil an egg and throw in… if too hungry, please jump to item 12
12. Eat while smoking hot
So yeah, that’s my contribution to bachelorhood: Passing on the secret recipe to the “worst case scenario” meal. Its fast, easy, delicious and should keep you going till your future wife stumbles into your sorry lonesome life. And then when you’re done eating, make sure you don’t forget to throw the plates in the sink, jump over the back of the settee in the parlour and land with a thud while grabbing both remotes in one fell swoop (james bond meets van damme right there…lol). And be thankful to God cos there are so many things in life to worry about, but at least your going hungry isn’t one of them.
I know you’re in awe right now, but try not to make it too obvious. Thank me later peeps!
And so just this past saturday, I stumbled upon the fact that it was actually the birthday of a wonderful friend of mine - Chinene. She being one of the few people in my life who’s presence is so silent, and yet most powerful towards influencing my actions. I recalled with pride, for the first time to a worldwide audience, how she actually used to be so happy to have me drop by at their family house (unannounced and always hungry) and she and her brothers would welcome me as if they’d known me all their lives. I never for once felt out of place with them. This then brought to my mind the thought of all the people who have actually fed me at one time or the other… especially through my difficult university years (thanks Gabriel and Yinka, you guys rock! If yinka’s kitchen could talk, I’d be charged for gluttony and never be able to run for senate). Well, you see (and here’s another confession), I have struggled with two things all my life: money management and cooking. Its kinda sad to admit that I have been terrible at ensuring that my money lasts the required period and all my friends know I am a consistent broke ass. But that’s not something I am super ashamed of because I am not a perpetual debtor, which would have been an altogether different kettle of fish. However, it is the latter part of this duo that leaves me both ashamed and alarmed. You see, once upon a time, I used to be a really really good cook. I was so good at it, that I would complete a dish with all the dressing and accessories…you know, sliced boiled eggs spread in a circle over the lower portion of the rice, grated carrots and then if available, green peas… so that a huge platter of white rice would have green, orange and white decoration on top of it! I could fry, boil, grind, chop, squeeze etcetera. I am dead serious, I was actually pretty good (well, minus too much seasoning cube once in a while in stews and porridges).
And then somehow, life suddenly became a lot more serious and everything I knew how to do, including art drawing, cooking and watching television (that’s a talent peeps), went out the window. I instantly replaced them by winning spelling competitions in primary school (including French), winning “impromptu school debate” in my junior secondary, and becoming head boy in senior secondary. Yeah, mr. know-it-all became mr. goody-too-shoes, or the other way round. And that phase went with me through university. By the time I hit law school, I was a lost cause in terms of socializing or having fun and the word “loosen up” was used often, to no avail obviously. I think I’m much better now, cos I now do fun stuff like er, you know…er…write this blog (?) and er, [will write something fun here when I remember]. It completely beats me that I have any friends at all, where on earth did they find me?
So anyways, back to the issue, since I am on leave I finally have the time to reconnect with myself and decided to cook for a change. Not for any reason other than that (1) I wasn’t very hungry (2) I was very bored and (3) I remembered how I overcame the need to visit friends’ houses to eat when I was in university. Its called “cooking”, and it was an intervention organized by a certain neighbor of mine that I only remember now as “mama Stanley”. So one day, she comes into my room to drop her baby (who strangely only ever slept off when on my bed… darn I must have been boring) and sees all the tubers of yam, rice, rotten plantain, weevil-infested beans and complete packets of spaghetti, seasoning, oils and spices staring at her. And then she asks why I have two packets of each item and I say, well, I got one from last months’ home delivery supply and one from this month. So she sits down to understand exactly why I won’t cook no matter the persuasion. After a lengthy heart to heart, during which she decided it was hopeless to try to get me to cook, she asks me to come with her and learn what she called “worst case scenario”. And this is what I have decided to reincarnate this Sunday afternoon, so pay attention to the 12 easy steps:
1. Measure 4 hand fulls of rice using your bare hands
2. Put into a pot
3. Check the level of the rice in the pot and then put three times more water than the level of the rice
4. Place on a stove (with fire underneath, you dufus)
5. Throw in the seasoning cube (chicken flavor is particularly nice), the ground pepper, salt, a bit of curry, sardines with the oil and a tiny cut up fresh pepper for flavor
6. Cover the pot and walk away
7. Watch tv, or read, or go visit a friend in the next street (but don’t sleep off)
8. Return in 35 minutes to check.
9. Hang around till water dries completely (dip the end of a spoon into the boiling rice to check if there’s still liquid underneath. How else would you know that, man?! sheesh)
10. Take pot off the fire, stir content up very well, so the ingredients spread around the rice
11. If you have the patience, boil an egg and throw in… if too hungry, please jump to item 12
12. Eat while smoking hot
So yeah, that’s my contribution to bachelorhood: Passing on the secret recipe to the “worst case scenario” meal. Its fast, easy, delicious and should keep you going till your future wife stumbles into your sorry lonesome life. And then when you’re done eating, make sure you don’t forget to throw the plates in the sink, jump over the back of the settee in the parlour and land with a thud while grabbing both remotes in one fell swoop (james bond meets van damme right there…lol). And be thankful to God cos there are so many things in life to worry about, but at least your going hungry isn’t one of them.
I know you’re in awe right now, but try not to make it too obvious. Thank me later peeps!
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