look, today i'm going to sound irreverent and this is pre-warning. whats this about, i hear you ask? its what family get togethers do to me. i swear i should have been a higher being than a mere human.
so y'all know that my dear aunt died two weeks ago. i had promised myself that in honour of her, i was not going to write my blog until after her funeral. we had the funeral yesterday. everyone was there as expected. the too-good-for-the-world cousins, the always-asking-for-a-hand-me-down relatives and everyone in between. i'm used to it. when my aunt was alive, she was really all that and a bag of chips. you hear stories of people who came out of not so wealthy backgrounds, marry up, and then completely abandon their own family while swimming in the new found wealth. my aunt was a rare breed. she wasn't from a poor home, far from it, but my grandparents had what i would term "old money". the sort of money that is anchored on past wealth but no real present value. being a somewhat aristocratic family meant they had access to the best things, but didn't seem to have much social relevance in current reality.
and she came out of that, married up and then used her husbands wealth to uphold her siblings, take in her nieces and nephews, pay fees for people she didn't know from adam, feed absolute strangers and generally better the lot of the rest of us. she had three siblings and each of their kids spent most of their growing years at my aunty's...every damn holiday, midterm etc. if we could, we would have moved in. and the reason was simple, she was firm but allowed you to be free. you could tell her anything and eat till you lie belly up unable to breathe. no worries at all, no bad looks no irritated attitude, no exasperation. she eventually took in two of my cousins full time to join her two biological children, and raised them all the way to university.
and then she took ill. very ill. her sons moved on and got married. the nephews and nieces all grew out and life generally started...so did the bickerings. as her health worsened so did the rumours gain ground. on the one hand some people said she was behaving in a weird manner that had the semblance of spriritual problems. at first, it was ridiculous but before she eventually died, it had reached proportions where some people were keeping their children away from her so she does not give them witchcraft. witchcraft, seriously? and these came from educated people. the same people who then went around spreading the news that my parents cheated them out of some age old family inheritance that my grandmother gave their father etc. on the other hand were the rumours that her sufferings arose from her past misdeeds. that she must have "done juju" for someone else in the past and it had backfired. the truth is, she had a nervous ailment that affected her coordination, and memory and there was nothing she could do about it.
well, in case you're still not clear. i come from a family full of pretensious scheming people who smile widely at each other and laugh loudly at every joke when together, but can't wait to one-up you the moment they get the chance. to top it all, as educated as we are, we still seek out spiritual visionaires and charlatans who will tell us exactly what we want to hear: that the other aunty is the one responsible for our joblessness/ woe/ failure/ poverty and is better off dead. and then we nurse that hatred deep outside our nuclear circles till we die, never being able to muster enough courage to challenge/kill the alleged witch. so basically, i think my uncle hates me and wants me dead, while my uncle's kids hate my mother and think she's the cause of all things evil in their lives. all except my late aunty.
we all agreed that she was cool. a unifying force and a calming voice. and now she's gone...and you can imagine the intrigues at the funeral and the preparations leading up to it. it was war. everyone tried to lay a stake and feel more relevant than the other. every conversation was miscontrued, and old wounds re-opened...but yesterday, we all wailed. the very people who refused to let her ever touch their children for fear she was a witch, wailed the loudest. those who never visited her for once in the last 8 years, missed her the most...and my iritation knew no bounds. i didn't cry, i couldn't. i could only stare at the coffin and try not to associate her with the brown wood as they emptied bags of sand over it.
i shepherded my nuclear family to the reception and watched their intake like a hawk. i made sure i got food and drinks from the general sharer and not any specially reserved portions. i kept our stay close and brief, i laughed a lot to cover up my hesitation to answer many probing questions, and ensured that my sister didn't hug any untoward person. call me paranoid, but welcome to my extended family life. clearly, life must go on, and so must the bitterness and strife.
and so today marks my last day of mourning my aunt. i have bid her farewell, and i wish i could promise her that the unity she fostered would remain in her honour, but even i cannot pull that one off. and so till we all meet again as an extended circus, i guess i'm safe enough to keep writing my blog. Adeiu Aunty Mummy, i know you'd have found this completely hilarious.
so y'all know that my dear aunt died two weeks ago. i had promised myself that in honour of her, i was not going to write my blog until after her funeral. we had the funeral yesterday. everyone was there as expected. the too-good-for-the-world cousins, the always-asking-for-a-hand-me-down relatives and everyone in between. i'm used to it. when my aunt was alive, she was really all that and a bag of chips. you hear stories of people who came out of not so wealthy backgrounds, marry up, and then completely abandon their own family while swimming in the new found wealth. my aunt was a rare breed. she wasn't from a poor home, far from it, but my grandparents had what i would term "old money". the sort of money that is anchored on past wealth but no real present value. being a somewhat aristocratic family meant they had access to the best things, but didn't seem to have much social relevance in current reality.
and she came out of that, married up and then used her husbands wealth to uphold her siblings, take in her nieces and nephews, pay fees for people she didn't know from adam, feed absolute strangers and generally better the lot of the rest of us. she had three siblings and each of their kids spent most of their growing years at my aunty's...every damn holiday, midterm etc. if we could, we would have moved in. and the reason was simple, she was firm but allowed you to be free. you could tell her anything and eat till you lie belly up unable to breathe. no worries at all, no bad looks no irritated attitude, no exasperation. she eventually took in two of my cousins full time to join her two biological children, and raised them all the way to university.
and then she took ill. very ill. her sons moved on and got married. the nephews and nieces all grew out and life generally started...so did the bickerings. as her health worsened so did the rumours gain ground. on the one hand some people said she was behaving in a weird manner that had the semblance of spriritual problems. at first, it was ridiculous but before she eventually died, it had reached proportions where some people were keeping their children away from her so she does not give them witchcraft. witchcraft, seriously? and these came from educated people. the same people who then went around spreading the news that my parents cheated them out of some age old family inheritance that my grandmother gave their father etc. on the other hand were the rumours that her sufferings arose from her past misdeeds. that she must have "done juju" for someone else in the past and it had backfired. the truth is, she had a nervous ailment that affected her coordination, and memory and there was nothing she could do about it.
well, in case you're still not clear. i come from a family full of pretensious scheming people who smile widely at each other and laugh loudly at every joke when together, but can't wait to one-up you the moment they get the chance. to top it all, as educated as we are, we still seek out spiritual visionaires and charlatans who will tell us exactly what we want to hear: that the other aunty is the one responsible for our joblessness/ woe/ failure/ poverty and is better off dead. and then we nurse that hatred deep outside our nuclear circles till we die, never being able to muster enough courage to challenge/kill the alleged witch. so basically, i think my uncle hates me and wants me dead, while my uncle's kids hate my mother and think she's the cause of all things evil in their lives. all except my late aunty.
we all agreed that she was cool. a unifying force and a calming voice. and now she's gone...and you can imagine the intrigues at the funeral and the preparations leading up to it. it was war. everyone tried to lay a stake and feel more relevant than the other. every conversation was miscontrued, and old wounds re-opened...but yesterday, we all wailed. the very people who refused to let her ever touch their children for fear she was a witch, wailed the loudest. those who never visited her for once in the last 8 years, missed her the most...and my iritation knew no bounds. i didn't cry, i couldn't. i could only stare at the coffin and try not to associate her with the brown wood as they emptied bags of sand over it.
i shepherded my nuclear family to the reception and watched their intake like a hawk. i made sure i got food and drinks from the general sharer and not any specially reserved portions. i kept our stay close and brief, i laughed a lot to cover up my hesitation to answer many probing questions, and ensured that my sister didn't hug any untoward person. call me paranoid, but welcome to my extended family life. clearly, life must go on, and so must the bitterness and strife.
and so today marks my last day of mourning my aunt. i have bid her farewell, and i wish i could promise her that the unity she fostered would remain in her honour, but even i cannot pull that one off. and so till we all meet again as an extended circus, i guess i'm safe enough to keep writing my blog. Adeiu Aunty Mummy, i know you'd have found this completely hilarious.
Comments
Well thought and quite emotional. A life worthy of emulating is rather ridiculed out of ignorance. But must say that it's common in 'most' extended families;even mine.
I'm 'simply' 100% in support of 'Oroque's view'.
@ anon 1: thanks for supporting my blog 100% and i know who you are. ;)
@ nigerianblogawards: I hope i win. thank you for the oppurtunity to be a part of something so spectacular.
@ anon 2: thank you for the wonderful comments. each one appreciated!