so today i was lounging about on blogger when i stumbled upon the following post written by a blogger named 'leggy' (follow her blog here: http://www.leggy-freda.com/2013/03/nagging.html?showComment=1364290838035#!/2013/03/nagging.html.). i swear we have world class bloggers in nigeria that challenge me everytime! beyond the wit and humour, she lays a good one on a woman's view about nagging. she says:
Nagging is the first thing you learn as a nigerian woman. It's like a passage of sorts. you're taught to not nag your husband or boyfriend. you're taught it by everybody and especially by nigerian movies that tell you that nagging your husband/boyfriend is going to make him meet genevieve nnaji and fall in love with her, and cheat on you and leave you and it'd be justified because your bitch arse was nagging him all around the house.
you start talking to your friends about how you're not a nag, justify your guyfriends' stupid behaviours because their girlfriends nag them to death. you grow up deciding that you're never going to nag your boyfriend or husband. you're going to be the absolute perfect wife and your husband will not treat you like that other woman's husband because you're not a nag like her.
you get into a relationship and your boyfriend makes a sexist comment and you argue with him, he talks bullshit about women and you argue with him, he comes back late from work and you argue with him, he forgets dates and you argue with him. the amount and frequency of the arguments are becoming more often than you can handle, you start backing off because you don't want to be labeled a nag, he is a great guy with a great job and you really don't think you're going to be able to do any better than him if this relationship doesn't work out. so you start shutting up, you become more agreeable. you don't ask him about that perfume on his shirt, he comes back late and lays beside you and you spend your time on proverbs 31 trying really hard to be a "virtuous" woman to a very undeserving idiot.
he starts making decisions for you, your opinions become his, you start shutting up about things that you used to be passionate about, feminism? uhhh, who needs that? you need to get married first and you'll worry about that.
you become a shadow of yourself.
He ends up marrying you because he's dated you for long and you're as good as it gets.
i find that "nagging" has become a way for most nigerian men to shut you up really fast. you're not a nag for having a freaking opinion, there should be things that you don't agree with him about, you should be a human being. sure, he'll end up marrying some girl who doesn't have an opinion but at least you won't find yourself 25 years later in a marriage where you realise you hate the man you married, you have achieved absolutely nothing with your life, your husband doesn't like talking to you because it's just like talking to himself, you have absolutely no independent opinion of your own, and you're raising a male son who is just like him.
it's cool to know when to argue and when to let things go but don't let anyone bully you out of your beliefs with that word.
love, leggy
***
i find that post very honest and true especially the whole "he is a great guy with a great job and you really don't think you're going to be able to do any better than him if this relationship doesn't work out". I know quite a few people in this category. although i am very tempted to write a full blog post in response, i restrained the urge and simply dropped the following comment on her blog:
lovely piece. i shall proceed to share it on my blog immediately. its good you agree that he will end up marrying someone else who doesn't have a freaking opinion for each time he has a thought. a man has to be a man, no matter how he's built. he has to provide physically for his family, but with that responsibility comes the right to lead them and provide direction. if he has a co-captain that MUST have a contrary view and totally has to share them every single time and in front of everyone, then clearly she will end up having a very expressive marriage and an early separation...or at least a "junior wife" who knows when and how to keep her mouth shut and swallow her opinion.
what do y'all think peeps? some support here? or you can click the link to her blog and lets take the fight there instead. :)
Nagging is the first thing you learn as a nigerian woman. It's like a passage of sorts. you're taught to not nag your husband or boyfriend. you're taught it by everybody and especially by nigerian movies that tell you that nagging your husband/boyfriend is going to make him meet genevieve nnaji and fall in love with her, and cheat on you and leave you and it'd be justified because your bitch arse was nagging him all around the house.
you start talking to your friends about how you're not a nag, justify your guyfriends' stupid behaviours because their girlfriends nag them to death. you grow up deciding that you're never going to nag your boyfriend or husband. you're going to be the absolute perfect wife and your husband will not treat you like that other woman's husband because you're not a nag like her.
you get into a relationship and your boyfriend makes a sexist comment and you argue with him, he talks bullshit about women and you argue with him, he comes back late from work and you argue with him, he forgets dates and you argue with him. the amount and frequency of the arguments are becoming more often than you can handle, you start backing off because you don't want to be labeled a nag, he is a great guy with a great job and you really don't think you're going to be able to do any better than him if this relationship doesn't work out. so you start shutting up, you become more agreeable. you don't ask him about that perfume on his shirt, he comes back late and lays beside you and you spend your time on proverbs 31 trying really hard to be a "virtuous" woman to a very undeserving idiot.
he starts making decisions for you, your opinions become his, you start shutting up about things that you used to be passionate about, feminism? uhhh, who needs that? you need to get married first and you'll worry about that.
you become a shadow of yourself.
He ends up marrying you because he's dated you for long and you're as good as it gets.
i find that "nagging" has become a way for most nigerian men to shut you up really fast. you're not a nag for having a freaking opinion, there should be things that you don't agree with him about, you should be a human being. sure, he'll end up marrying some girl who doesn't have an opinion but at least you won't find yourself 25 years later in a marriage where you realise you hate the man you married, you have achieved absolutely nothing with your life, your husband doesn't like talking to you because it's just like talking to himself, you have absolutely no independent opinion of your own, and you're raising a male son who is just like him.
it's cool to know when to argue and when to let things go but don't let anyone bully you out of your beliefs with that word.
love, leggy
***
i find that post very honest and true especially the whole "he is a great guy with a great job and you really don't think you're going to be able to do any better than him if this relationship doesn't work out". I know quite a few people in this category. although i am very tempted to write a full blog post in response, i restrained the urge and simply dropped the following comment on her blog:
lovely piece. i shall proceed to share it on my blog immediately. its good you agree that he will end up marrying someone else who doesn't have a freaking opinion for each time he has a thought. a man has to be a man, no matter how he's built. he has to provide physically for his family, but with that responsibility comes the right to lead them and provide direction. if he has a co-captain that MUST have a contrary view and totally has to share them every single time and in front of everyone, then clearly she will end up having a very expressive marriage and an early separation...or at least a "junior wife" who knows when and how to keep her mouth shut and swallow her opinion.
what do y'all think peeps? some support here? or you can click the link to her blog and lets take the fight there instead. :)
Comments
My comment: Some men are just selfish. You didn't configure me so i can't always say/act the way you want. If you want to marry a zombie, go right ahead and marry her but please, don't call me a nag when i refuse to be your clone because i have a brain and i like to use it.
You can put a portion and then a link to Leggy's blog saying Read the rest here, but pasting her whole blog post here is exactly what everyone has been complaining about.