part of the benefits of writing a blog is that it is therapeutic. As any blogger will tell you, a blog usually comes from a place of expression where you will literally implode if you do not let your thoughts out. So bear with me on this one...
I’m very angry with a good friend of mine. The question isn’t even for what...it is the how is this even possible. I pride myself in being very emotionally mature (well screw you for rolling your eyes) and very hardly let anything get to me. As a matter of fact, years of legal practice and social media activity has given me a tough skin. And so I am very surprised that I can habour such anger especially based on the political position this friend of mine has taken. Okay I said I was not going to talk about it but then since you won’t stop begging me, why not?
So as you know the Nigerian elections are upon us. Election cycle after election cycle we all get on social media and say how we will not lose friends over political differences since the political elite are actually the same behind closed doors and we all want the same thing for the country as citizens. Then the candidates are announced and without knowing it we all get very emotionally involved with one of the candidates. You can either get emotionally involved in ensuring one candidate does not get away with lies or that one candidate is projected adequately as the solution.
As a person, my childhood friends are at the pinnacle of the friendship pyramid solely because at the time we became friends, I was at my purest most innocent form. I had not learned to ‘not say certain things’ or ‘behave properly in the midst of company’. Their friendship with me could therefore not have been motivated by my (non existent) wealth or prospects of benefiting them in any way other than as a mental companion. Therein lies the problem.
When you like people because of their personality it is often because there is a significant alignment to your values and belief systems. These people, of the thousands of people you will encounter (and discard) in your life, have grown with you into adulthood and remain in your sphere because - and usually only because - your values still align. My values and belief systems revolve around complete honesty, brutally unbiased truth and the defense of justice especially for those unable to do so for themselves. And so over the years, in the consistent expression of similar values, this friend has come to earn my unwavering respect and our disagreements are never on fundamental issues that put the core values to test. Until now...
We all know that the two major parties have fielded candidates that are subpar, to put it mildly. We are all agreed that the country ‘ideally’ deserves better. We also admit that in 180 million people these two major contenders cannot be the best option to lead us into the technologically advanced future. We finally also agree that the most suitable candidates in the current mix do not have the requisite party structure needed to win in an expensive political system such as ours.
However, this my friend takes on the job of not expressing any actual preference in the candidates but instead exerts his energy singling out a major candidate for condemnation. He has turned himself into an attack mouthpiece for the current government to the point that he would willfully ignore the abysmal performance as evidenced by daily security and economic reports emanating from Nigeria. At first I put it down to the exuberance we all felt at the announcement of the major contenders but I felt increasingly that criticism must be fair and balanced, properly spread across board and (in the spirit of the credibility built by this friend over the years...) that he will not decline to call a spade a spade. It got to the point where he was calling one person a crook even when it was apparent that there were multiple crooks well deserving of the same treatment. Clearly this didn’t sit well with my sense of fairness and responsible thought leadership that I think any respectable opinion leader should have.
Anyway so here I am, realizing that unlike we all think...Nigerian politics actually has ideology. Each political personality (maybe not party) carries with him or her a perspective commonly held by the populace until destroyed by such individual. Reuben Abati and Adams Oshiomole used to be highly regarded as unashamed speakers of truth firmly on the side of the people and that perspective drove the goodwill and support that got them political appointments. This is not the case today. And it is this social perspective that makes us fiercely choose a side to the detriment of personal relationships. It’s almost like you think you know someone until they suddenly support oppression or discrimination and you’re forced to rethink the entire foundation of such friendships. Get it? Yeah.
from where I sit, I cannot reconcile the current positions of this very close friend with the pedestal upon which I have mentally placed him over the years hence tough decisions need to be made going forward. On both sides. And that’s okay. It is the nature of the beast and it makes us human, zero hard feelings. It also validates the saying that only the actions of people close to you can hurt you, because in reality he is not the only one I encounter with those views he holds and yet I am completely un-bothered by all the others because, you guessed it, i don't know them from Adam and as such don't give a rat's arse.
I’m sure once the elections come and go everyone will be back to their senses and fall back to the same side - as concerned citizens working for a better tomorrow for Nigeria. Thanks for letting me vent. That was good...for me at least.
I’m very angry with a good friend of mine. The question isn’t even for what...it is the how is this even possible. I pride myself in being very emotionally mature (well screw you for rolling your eyes) and very hardly let anything get to me. As a matter of fact, years of legal practice and social media activity has given me a tough skin. And so I am very surprised that I can habour such anger especially based on the political position this friend of mine has taken. Okay I said I was not going to talk about it but then since you won’t stop begging me, why not?
So as you know the Nigerian elections are upon us. Election cycle after election cycle we all get on social media and say how we will not lose friends over political differences since the political elite are actually the same behind closed doors and we all want the same thing for the country as citizens. Then the candidates are announced and without knowing it we all get very emotionally involved with one of the candidates. You can either get emotionally involved in ensuring one candidate does not get away with lies or that one candidate is projected adequately as the solution.
As a person, my childhood friends are at the pinnacle of the friendship pyramid solely because at the time we became friends, I was at my purest most innocent form. I had not learned to ‘not say certain things’ or ‘behave properly in the midst of company’. Their friendship with me could therefore not have been motivated by my (non existent) wealth or prospects of benefiting them in any way other than as a mental companion. Therein lies the problem.
When you like people because of their personality it is often because there is a significant alignment to your values and belief systems. These people, of the thousands of people you will encounter (and discard) in your life, have grown with you into adulthood and remain in your sphere because - and usually only because - your values still align. My values and belief systems revolve around complete honesty, brutally unbiased truth and the defense of justice especially for those unable to do so for themselves. And so over the years, in the consistent expression of similar values, this friend has come to earn my unwavering respect and our disagreements are never on fundamental issues that put the core values to test. Until now...
We all know that the two major parties have fielded candidates that are subpar, to put it mildly. We are all agreed that the country ‘ideally’ deserves better. We also admit that in 180 million people these two major contenders cannot be the best option to lead us into the technologically advanced future. We finally also agree that the most suitable candidates in the current mix do not have the requisite party structure needed to win in an expensive political system such as ours.
However, this my friend takes on the job of not expressing any actual preference in the candidates but instead exerts his energy singling out a major candidate for condemnation. He has turned himself into an attack mouthpiece for the current government to the point that he would willfully ignore the abysmal performance as evidenced by daily security and economic reports emanating from Nigeria. At first I put it down to the exuberance we all felt at the announcement of the major contenders but I felt increasingly that criticism must be fair and balanced, properly spread across board and (in the spirit of the credibility built by this friend over the years...) that he will not decline to call a spade a spade. It got to the point where he was calling one person a crook even when it was apparent that there were multiple crooks well deserving of the same treatment. Clearly this didn’t sit well with my sense of fairness and responsible thought leadership that I think any respectable opinion leader should have.
Anyway so here I am, realizing that unlike we all think...Nigerian politics actually has ideology. Each political personality (maybe not party) carries with him or her a perspective commonly held by the populace until destroyed by such individual. Reuben Abati and Adams Oshiomole used to be highly regarded as unashamed speakers of truth firmly on the side of the people and that perspective drove the goodwill and support that got them political appointments. This is not the case today. And it is this social perspective that makes us fiercely choose a side to the detriment of personal relationships. It’s almost like you think you know someone until they suddenly support oppression or discrimination and you’re forced to rethink the entire foundation of such friendships. Get it? Yeah.
from where I sit, I cannot reconcile the current positions of this very close friend with the pedestal upon which I have mentally placed him over the years hence tough decisions need to be made going forward. On both sides. And that’s okay. It is the nature of the beast and it makes us human, zero hard feelings. It also validates the saying that only the actions of people close to you can hurt you, because in reality he is not the only one I encounter with those views he holds and yet I am completely un-bothered by all the others because, you guessed it, i don't know them from Adam and as such don't give a rat's arse.
I’m sure once the elections come and go everyone will be back to their senses and fall back to the same side - as concerned citizens working for a better tomorrow for Nigeria. Thanks for letting me vent. That was good...for me at least.
Comments