yesterday, i heard on facebook that gary coleman had died. mr. coleman was a child star in the 80's, who rose to fame with a cheeky grin, childlike stature and witty lines that seemed a little advanced for children of that era. naturally, considering that i watched the comedy last in the 80's and i honestly wasn't a TV person (i still am not), i have no personal feelings of grief for mr. coleman's death...to be honest i actually didn't remember who exactly he was. and so, as with all things 2010, i hopped on the internet and googled the name and suddenly, his death took on a different dimension.
i suddenly realized how much i take for granted. this is a 42 year old man who lived all 42 years in a child's body. at a certain age, it made sense for him to look like that and the fact that he used it to his advantage and shot to fame on the back of his looks, meant that he was never taken seriously all of his life. the fact of the matter is that while normal looking guys worry about the size of their gut, or nose, or penis, there are people who wish they were even normal looking. how does one even feel sexually attractive in a body like that? as expected, the older he grew, the weirder he became (think about a 10 year old with wrinkles) and that was when things started to get ugly.
when other folks thought there was a silver lining behind the dark cloud, i only suspected things would get worse, when he married a woman much younger, much prettier and obviously much stronger than him. not long after, he was arrested for domestic violence, started throwing tantrums in public and walking off the few TV shows that would give him audience...all signs of psychological implosion that could easily be borne out of spousal abuse. yes, i said spousal abuse.
i find that like everyone else, i often immediately assume that there was a punched woman as soon as i hear of an arrest being made for domestic violence. i know that domestic violence doesn't always have to end in a broken nose and a lost tooth but it is almost imaginable to assume that a man can be a victim of spousal abuse. so i did some research.
according to the website www.spousalabuse.biz, there are 546,000 male victims of domestic abuse in Canada alone. that means that half a million men in one country, are abused by their women. unbelievable but true. in the United States, according to the website www.menweb.org, 835,000 men are battered each year. i know that we have all grown up to believe that the man is stronger than the woman physically...well, not always. it is this same social stereotyping that makes it difficult for men to seek help and voice out when they do find themselves in this situation. spousal abuse is alive and well among us and the pattern has changed. it seems that as more men repent of their women-beating ways, the women have suddenly realized that it is a good time to reverse the trend.
as you would expect, most men that find themselves in abusive relationships, hide. they bear the situation for as long as they stay alive because of the male pride and the need to maintain self dignity irrespective of the physical pain they have to endure. in Nigeria, as with many other countries without adequate statistics, the number of domestic abuse victims is unknown and the portion of these that are male is impossible to ascertain, but i am sure that they are out there.
i do know the personal story of an Urhobo woman (a tribe in Nigeria's delta state) who used to beat the husband so badly, he'd have to be rescued by the neighbours. after eight or so years of living like this, he took to drinking and doing drugs, which only compounded his problems, leaving him even weaker and unable to fight back. sometimes, i feel that he was doing these to block out the pain he was expecting to receive whenever he gets home. knowing she was the "champion", she would pick a fight with him on the most meaningless of things, like, why he drank something she'd put in the fridge, when she given instructions that nobody should touch it. next thing we'd hear is, "am i not talking to you?, are you deaf?, do i look like that your stupid mother?" and then glasses breaking, children screaming, punches flying. its not a good memory. they moved out when i was in 300 Level and i don't know how they ended up but i will not be surprised if i hear the man killed himself eventually. such is the fate of the battered man.
and so when i heard that mr. coleman had eventually died from an "accident" at home that caused him brain haemorrhage (i.e. bleeding from the brain, which could easily have resulted from a smash of the skull to a wall)i couldn't help but think that maybe this matter needs to be investigated further. the police have ruled out any foul play within record time(what if it was the other way round? or if he was white and the woman was black? - i'm not saying anything) and everyone's moved on but somehow i feel immense pity for the guy.
i know you're probably reading this and sniggering (especially if you're a guy), thinking to yourself that i have nothing better to do than postulate on an issue so far removed from you as to remain non-existent. i will only say this, and will say no more: "let he who thinks he stand take heed, lest he fall". and to the women who read this and think "well, its about time that men feel the pain that countless women have faced for centuries", i can only say this: "er...well...you know...two wrongs don't make a right...etc". (but Mr. Husband/Boyfriend/Fiance, you better run far far away!)
RIP Mr. Coleman, i know for sure your story hasn't ended yet.
See y'all later peeps.
Comments