Another one bites the dust...literally

Another year, that is. I mean, was it not just the other day I celebrated one year younger? Where I was moaning about all the things I was yet unable to achieve? When all I could think about was the fact that I wasn't married? Wasn't it just a few quick months ago that I was thankful for turning a year older and hoping aloud that I would by the next year be all that I ever hoped to be? Maybe married with two children and one nephew?

Well it's that's time of the year again. I'm a year older. The weight is still there, the woman still isn't, the job is better than it has ever been and I've stopped pretending that I'm tripped by church in any way. I think this is what they call midlife crisis. That time in your life when your perspectives change..,when you stop sucking in your stomach to give yourself the false hope that you're somehow fit for your age. The time when you suddenly think you've spent a logic your life worrying about the wrong things and the end point of your life begins to come into view. The point when many people suddenly remember God because they cant pull the opposite sex as much as they thought they could. Yes, time is like God in many ways...it doesn't give a toss what you think or do, it will keep on doing what it likes and taking it's toll. It's for you to man up and deal with it.

And how did I know I had reached this point? Increasingly, I have lost interest in social networking...google plus was the straw that broke the camels back but the back has well been broken. Also, the few times I have had cause to make comments that I share with the world, I have become less reserved and more non-challant about third party reactions. Just the other day, I pasted on my blackberry that people should make restitution for their past wrongs because karma is a bitch. Somehow as soon as I put it up, I knew I had made a mistake. You see, women like to feel that their feminity is this sacred concept that they must protect even when it's not under attack. And so the harmless reproduction of a saying with the word "bitch" suddenly became the subject of some feedback from female folk on my blackberry. I apologised with a straight face cos frankly, I've passed the point where peer acceptance meant the world. And so, you can imagine my mood a Few weeks later when in making a retort to a friend on Facebook, I mentioned that if women spent a quarter of the time they spent on gossip on national issues, the world would be a better place...and the expected feathers were ruffled. This time, I did not bother with an apology...hell be damned.

And this is partly why, by my own admission, I'm probably still unmarried. I think I lost the capacity to tolerate the amount of bullshit required to keep every human relationship alive, a long time ago. I think that somewhere along the line, I realised that one of two things had to happen...I had to allow someone else be permanently correct (even pretentiously so), or I had to risk being alone for a very long time...I'm not sure which I chose.

And so this year, I decided to celebrate all the things about my life that rocked. I decided To reduce the relevance of the birthday itself and to celebrate the elements of a life that I would miss dearly if it ended today. to splurge on a holiday just because I can, and in some way to tell myself, you're not doing so badly after all. In some way, I seem to have regained some perspective to my life...and come to the decision that you the reader will never appreciate my life or my choices, but above all realising that, I honestly truly sincerely...couldn't give a French rat's arse.

So till next year when I reflect on the lessons learnt in 12 months of my life, kindly live your own life your own way...and let me deal with my issues in my own time. Happy birthday to me. Cheers.